Sunday, June 29, 2008

Birthday Blues…

Sunday, June 29, 2008

It’s my birthday, I am twenty eight today. What’s so special about today? Is my birthday so special? Should I celebrate my birthday? Do I really feel like celebrating? Should I invite all my friends and throw a party, cut cake and celebrate as everybody does? What should I do? What does a Birthday really mean to me?

Does it simply mean that I have gone around the sun twenty eight times? Precisely 10220 days passed since I came to this big but not so big world. The world itself is too small comparing the infinite universe ,its difficult to understand BIG BANG , it would be easier to believe god created the earth and humans in his own image and imagination. but i prefer to go with science rather than just believing in what the majority believe, when they don’t have any idea what the reality is ,anyways twenty eight years is not a big time comparing with the billions of years since the world came into being, so I think my birth might not have made any difference to the world but my family might have been happy to see me when I was born. But was I really happy then? I can’t say that with out knowing what I had been doing all the time before...

My parents say they celebrated my first birthday in Shimla, i was born in shimla and spent almost one year there , eventhough i dont remember anything I think that must have been my most enjoyable birthday, Celebrating my first birthday in beautiful Shimla. I have been to most of the states in India but I could never visit Shimla again .I would really like to visit Shimla at least once more just to check whether I could remember anything where I spent my earliest days.

I am very happy that my birth day comes in monsoon when Kerala looks most beautiful. I always have nostalgia for rain .rain keeps my mind cool calm and peaceful .its raining here today, may be a birthday present for me from natures side. but I am not so happy to accept the fact that I am getting older, each birthday is a reminder that I am getting older .when I was a kid I wanted to grow older .but not anymore .in fact I would like to be younger ,I wish science is improving day by day and one day our scientists would find out some thing to keep youth for ever .may be as a volleyball player I go through a phase where I cant say I am young or too old to play .but I always keep the words of one of my coaches in my mind , he had said “If you think you are getting old , you will soon become one. Act as if you are young ,fake your mind ,if you think and act like a young player you will remain one for long” so my body might be getting older but I will try to keep my mind young for ever ..

Life is like a train journey, all the birthdays are like stations in between but we don’t know where we are traveling to. When I look back I feel I had been traveling in Shathabdi express instead of slow passenger trains. I have no regrets about this; I don’t really like to travel in slow trains where we feel like our journey has no end. at the same time I am happy that I did not jump in to a foreign super sonic train which does not stop anywhere in between .Time passes fairly fast for me , Everything changes around me , so do I , as the days go , according to the changing circumstances my friends change , priorities change , my interests change ,and me too change .changes are inevitable and it will continue to change . We have no other option but to change ourselves with the changing world...

I have a fear for even numbers .I was little nervous when I reached my 16th birthday. I came to know that I am no more a kid or a young man. I didn’t know where I stood. I didn’t care much about my 23rd, 25th or 27th birthday .but 26th and 28th had its effect on me .I have already started dreading about my thirtieth birthday. I also feel that Birthdays are not for men , its for girls who make a fuss about birthdays .girls celebrate theirs and they don’t forget to call their friends on their birthdays .To be honest I don’t remember anybody’s birthday. its only because of orkut I come to know of my friends birthdays or even mine..

Birthdays also mean that you are coming closer to death. Isn’t it a count down? The only difference is that we don’t know from where we are counting down, it can be 100, 50 or even 29. We all are sure to die one day. In reality aren’t birthdays just a reminder of eternal truth that we are coming closer to destiny. People say we should not be talking or discussing about death but I think otherwise. We must be discussing and talking about it .anyway it’s going to happen one day. so better to be prepared .I have no idea what it would be after death, I don't believe in hell or heaven where we will all be rewarded or punished according to our doings .I don’t fear that somebody would fry me in burning oil after my death when I reach the so called other world. I am not afraid of death in fact slightly curious to know what in stock for me after death; my birthday just means one more step closer.

I had both good and bad times when I look back today. I gained and achieved many things, missed and lost many. It was as normal as just anybody else. I see no particular reason to celebrate today. In fact I would like to celebrate each day as if it were my birth day. I like to make every day special in some or other way. And I am sure today is going to be one of my memorable birthdays. Many of my friends called, many wished through orkut .for the last many years I was so busy on my birthdays that I don’t know how I had spent it. This year it’s completely different. I am in my quarter in Kochi. I under went Ayurveda treatment last week so I can’t go out and roam around much .my television stopped working all of a sudden , now I have enough time to think and to write this blog. everything looks calm and quiet around here . Its drizzling outside I can hear sound of the rain drops falling on the roof .I can see the drops of water falling from the leaves of the trees, I can hear birds chirping outside. May be this is what’s so special about my birthday this year. I have time to think, to stock taking, to plan and at the same time to enjoy the smallest happiness’s of life…



hey Rajeev,
it feels so good to read the thoughts in print, which i have been planning to write for ages :)you should never stop writing, my humble request.
and don't delete your blog posts ;)
have a wonderful year

siji said...

Dear Rajeev,

I was surprised n impressed by your talent in writing .... n more over the difference in your thinking pattern n creativity... Keep it up n become a writer whom the whole world admire!!! Definitely you can do that!!!!!!All d best!!!!